Unreal Expectations

The expectations placed on us are huge. It’s not just the expectations of the role of motherhood but also unrealistic ideas of what infant and child sleep and bedtimes should look like. The unrealistic expectations of infant sleep can make us feel like we are failing because our infants and children don’t lay down and fall asleep the moment their head hits the pillow.

If you have a neurodivergent family, you may constantly feel that you are set up against neurotypical expectations that can really make us feel isolated and unseen.

The Village

We were not meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved through tribal living. We need a village and the village needs us. The more needs we have, the access to village support.

Through the raw experience of birth, we are reborn and our most basic needs become so apparent. Many times over, our basic needs are not achievable with the lack of support systems. This is not our failing and won’t be cured with some “self-care”. The human species did not survive and thrive through independence from one another. We are a tribal species. We evolved through connection, we need a village. We evolved BY living as a community. The multigenerational homes would ensure that there would always be someone awake who could nurture and care for the baby when they woke. Many tribal communities continue to do this today.

Thrive

We are not failures for not thriving and loving everything about this role of motherhood.  The devolution of society, in promoting independence and devaluing real connection is the failure.

But when we get together, build those connections and empower ourselves by leading with instinct, we are strong. And we will thrive.

Sometimes, just knowing that what is happening is normal and natural and having that reassurance that we are doing the best for our children is enough to allow us to thrive. Other times, we need a safe connection with professionals we trust to investigate the sleep situations with our infants and children. Here at The Motherload, we firmly believe that you do not have to withhold responsiveness with your children to thrive. On the contrary, reliable, responsive, nurturing care supports our thriving.

The motherload can be an exhausting, impossible trap. 

Our value is not understood or valued.  We are expected to give our labour freely and when we are drowning and call out, we are applauded for what we do.  “But you can keep going!  That’s what you do, well done!” 

No. 

Give. Me. Your. Hand.

We will keep going, but not like this and not alone.