What really are the sleep needs of our neurodivergent children? Do they really differ so much from those of neuro-normative kids?

I have been asked to speak at an infant sleep summit that will be held at the end of the summer - another huge honor that this beautiful journey has given me.

The first summit that I spoke at was the Low Demand Parenting Summit back in March which placed me on the stage with people who had helped me heal my relationship with my son and gave me the gift of attuning with him.  It was a pivotal moment where I had gone from the lost parent, who didn’t fully understand why my son was reacting as he was, to being there, alongside those people who helped me, people who I hold in such high esteem.  They had written the books and hosted the podcasts and courses that delivered such sage advice, learned from years of learning, growing and experiencing, and their work changed the trajectory of my journey.  That journey was, not only as a mother who, back then didn’t know how to support my child who was so deeply hurt and struggling, but also as a person, who didn’t actually know who I was and how I needed to be supported.

I cannot describe the intense feeling of all the things I felt in being part of that summit.  Pride, happiness, excitement, joy, satisfaction, peace, and feelings that I just don’t have the words for.

I support families as I had needed to so many years ago and seeing the transformations that take place is nothing short of miraculous.  I truly care for all the families who I work with.  I think of you when I’m putting my own children to bed, I think of you when I’m making dinner and I think of you and how you are throughout my day.  

You are not alone.  And when we get to that place where you find your peace, I am reminded of my privilege in this world, in being able to be there and be part of your journey.

The summit that I will be speaking on next, will be for a completely different audience.  This time not my parenting peers of autistic, ADHD and PDAers, who have identified the demand avoidance in their child and are now seeking information and advice on how to support their children, but this time my audience will be my professional peers who work with differently wired and deeply feeling children, and parents of infants who may be considering if their infant is neurodivergent.  This requires a very different answer than I would usually give to the question that has been posed: “What is the difference between neurodivergent sleep and neurotypical sleep?”.

You’ll have to wait until the summit for my full answer on that, but I can almost guarantee that it won’t be what you might initially expect me to say.  My talk needs to be given with a very real difference.

When our beautiful, perfect little babies are born, there is nothing “wrong” with them, as they grow and they develop, again, there is nothing wrong with them or about them.  They were then, and they still are perfect.  When the words “concerns about development”, “autism spectrum disorder” and “Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder” are being muttered, it can really worry and shock us.  These terms were coined decades ago, when there was so little known about the neurotypes.  Those labels need to change to accurately describe what they are referring to.  And the diagnoses are so often delivered in such a clinical and harsh way that it can feel like a punch in the gut.  When my partner and I went through the process of diagnosis for our eldest, the news was delivered as “it is my professional opinion, that your child has autism spectrum disorder.  I’m sorry.”  I didn’t know then what I do now but even then, I was confused with why on earth he was giving his condolence.

When I deliver my talk, I will be speaking to those parents who may have just heard those words or they may be about to be.  They may not know what it is to be neurodivergent and at this point, they may only know the old, redundant, highly inaccurate and frankly insulting idea of neurodiversity. I would love to know what you would like to be said to those parents who are seeking answers and support around their potentially neurodivergent infant’s sleep.  What would you like the professionals to know?  Please, if you have anything you would like said, please reply to this and tell me.  I’m a real person, not a website bot, I promise!

I am not saying that the challenges that our children face are not real.  And I have experienced and I am still experiencing the challenges of growing up children who have such a different experience in life than what is the norm in this society.  They have the challenges of growing up around so many people who don’t know how to respond to and support them and in environments that were clearly not designed with them in mind.  All of this, coupled with a very sensitive awareness of what is around them and a sensitive perception of threat.  Their experiences can be and feel so tough.

What I want and need to say is this: for any child, regardless of neurotype, their need for closeness, attachment and dependence with their loved people lasts for much longer than what is largely known or accepted.  Add in the neurodivergent experience of developing at different speeds and living in a world with people who just don't understand them, and they will need that deep closeness, active attachment and dependence for much longer.  We are all human and our human needs will depend on our physical and emotional experiences in the world.  There are commonalities within traits but largely, it is not the neurotype but the experience that shapes those commonalities.  Sleep is no exception.  We can always improve what is not optimum with the correct support.

That is the message I will give at the infant sleep summit.  We are all uniquely human and our unique experiences shape how we are able to rest and sleep.  If you’d like to know more about how those unique experiences shape neurodivergent sleep and how we can support these sleep needs, please make sure to keep in touch.

The first place that I will share the link for your free pass for the summit is on my Instagram and Facebook accounts. If you're not a follower already, please do so. I’ll be so happy to see you there.

https://www.instagram.com/themotherload.nd.sleep/

https://www.facebook.com/TheMotherloadSleep.Specialist/